From Silver to White
by Tsunade's Apprentice
Summary: Matsumoto is woken up by a dream from her past and turns to Hitsugaya for support. Set during Arrancar arc. HitsuMatsu, IchiMatsu references. Oneshot


Right... Bad news for everyone: I'm back!

This is my first Bleach fic. I've been reading Bleach for a while but haven't been in the mood to write anything (since last summer). Sorry if there's any mistakes, I wrote this on my phone during college, so you know... Just let me know if there's anything.

I'd really appreciate some reviews for this one, especially since I haven't written anything for so long and I'm not feeling all too confident about my ability to write anymore. It's probably a load of crap, but if that's what you think, let me know!

Sorry to disappoint everyone, but... **_I don't own Bleach!!!_**

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**From Silver to White**

Matsumoto woke on her futon in Orihime's living room. She sat up and wiped away the tears she hadn't been aware she was crying.

She had been dreaming, if you could call it that. It was a memory of her time spent with Gin in Rukongai. She had so many memories of that time for her mind to torment her with. They were all happy memories, but now all they brought her was pain and regret. And worst of all 'what ifs?'.

She had coped well so far with Gin's betrayal. Certainly better than Kira or Hinamori and, to an extent, better than Hisagi too. Although she felt betrayed, she wasn't shocked. That was just how Gin was. He had simply left her behind like he had so many times before. She supposed she could almost say she felt relieved, the waiting was over. She had always known he was going to leave her for good one day, she just never knew when that one day would be. But despite that, the pain wasn't any less.

In the day she could control her thoughts and her emotions, she didn't think about Gin when she was awake. But at night, in her dreams or the indeterminable point between sleep and wakefulness, her mind wandered and she had no controll of her thoughts until the emotions became too painful and started to develop into that empty ache in her chest that dragged her from her dreams into the reality of how she really felt.

She hated those nights. They were long and cold and painful. On those nights she felt as if she might never be able to heal from the pain he had caused, she might never stop crying. But by morning when she had to face her taicho and her friends she had her emotions under control.

The last couple of weeks had been hard on her.

Since they had come to the living world she had always been around people. Although her mind would drift at night like it had before, she couldn't - wouldn't - let the pain out.

As she lay back she realized her pillow was wet from her tears. She tried turning it over but it didn't help much. She must have been crying for a while.

She looked over to where she knew her taicho was sleeping, but couldn't see him because of the table between them. She listened for his breathing but like every night they had been here, he was silent.

She quietly got out of her futon and crawled past the table and next to the small form of her sleeping taicho.

She didn't know exactly why she had moved here but seeing him calmed her nerves regardless.

She looked down on him in the moonlight coming in from the window. He looked so young in his sleep. His face was relaxed for once. She smiled at the thought of the two of them in their office, griping to her about her paper work, her sake or her naps. He was very patient with her although she knew she sometimes pushed even _his_ limits.

He was someone she could always trust in, regardless of the situation. Unlike Gin, he wouldn't let her down.

As she watched him he turned over in his sleep, rolling away from her.

Unsure of what was compelling her actions, but continuing anyway, she lifted up his covers and carefully crawled into the bedding behind him, gently wrapping an arm around him.

As the weight of her arm settled on him he began to move, then stopped and tensed. He moved to roll towards the person behind him but stopped upon feeling how close they were.

"Matsumoto?" he asked, shock clear in his voice.

"Hai." she answered calmly. She didn't know what she was doing there, in her captain's bed, but for the first time since Gin's betrayal she felt certain of something. She felt calm.

"What are you doing?" he was sounding slightly disgruntled, though she couldn't blame him.

She pulled herself closer to him and settled down again before answering. She couldn't think of a reason so she simply replied with "I couldn't sleep."

Hitsugaya turned his head towards her as much as he was able without moving the rest of his body before asking his next question.

"Why are you in my bed?"

Matsumoto squirmed a bit before answering, trying to muffle her voice with her taicho's pillow and muttering for good measure. She didn't want to answer but didn't feel like she had the strength to lie either.

"My pillow was wet."

Hitsugaya barely understood what she had said. He lifted up her arm from around his waist and was about to push it away but decided against it. Instead he turned over to face her before laying her arm back down.

She looked up at his movement and seemed shocked that he hadn't moved her arm.

In the moonlight he could see the tear stains on her cheeks and the tears that were still threatening to spill from her eyes.

He was slightly shocked to see her like this. He had never seen her cry. But over the last three months he had often wondered about her. He had seen how much Aizen, Gin and Tousen's betrayal had affected the rest of Soul Society, especially their respective fukutaicho and friends. Out of all of them, Matsumoto seemed to be coping the best despite the fact that she had known Gin long before the others had met.

Now he finally saw that he had been wrong. She was suffering just as much, simply not when anyone was there to see it.

He gently brushed her hair away from her face.

He usually didn't show much emotion, even sympathy, but Matsumoto was someone he had a lot of respect for. She might have been the biggest failure in the history of Soul Society where paper work was concerned but her loyalty was unwavering no matter the situation. She would always be there for him, whether it was just to lighten his mood, explain people's irrational behaviour or to back him up in a fight. Whenever he needed her she was there. He felt he owed her the same.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Just a dream..." she answered, clearly wanting to avoid the subject.

He wasn't going to press her to tell him but seeing her like this worried him. She was his subordinate, her welfare was his responsibility. That's what he kept telling himself although he knew it was more than just that.

He let out a quiet sigh, looking at her, considering what to do. He eventually settled on stroking her hair and quietly murmering to her.

"You can tell me, Matsumoto." he said quietly, his hand in her hair.

She raised her, eyes from where they had been looking at the pillow, to meet his.

"It's nothing taicho, really... I suppose I've just been lonely..." her voice trailed off as she said it and she looked back down to their pillow. Then, before she fully comprehended what she was doing, she pulled him towards her, into a hug and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

She felt him tense up before eventually relaxing and wrapping his arms around her shoulders and gently hugging her back.

Hitsugaya was suprised at the ease with which he had hugged her back. He wasn't used to casual contact with others, especially contact as intimate as this. The only contact he usually had with others was during sparring sessions or fighting hollows. He usually avoided contact. It scared him to an extent, but here he was, hugging his fukutaicho.

But despite everything, he found that he wasn't uncomfortable like this.

They lay like that for a while without talking, enjoying the quiet.

"I don't like sleeping taicho. I can't control what i think about when I'm asleep." Matsumoto mumbled suddenly.

Hitsugaya, who had started to drift back into sleep, started slighty as she spoke. He settled back down and stroked her hair.

"I feel so alone every time I wake up. I can't stand it." she continued, her lips brushing softly against the base of his neck as she spoke.

Hitsugaya tensed at the sensation. He had never been this close to anyone before. The feeling of someone's lips on his skin was new to him. It sent small shivers down his spine. He knew his fukutaicho hadn't done it on purpose and he shouldn't be reacting to it like he was.

"If you want to sleep you can. I'll be here when you wake up."

"No, it's ok," she began to pull away. "I'll go back to my own bed. Sorry about this taicho."

She moved to sit up but Hitsugaya put his hand on her arm to stop her.

"Stay here for tonight Matsumoto. You already said your pillow's yet so you won't be able to sleep there as it is... You don't need to apologize for anything..." he traced off as she settled back onto the pillow.

"Thank you taicho. But I'll be ok, if you want me to move I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about me."

Hitsugaya rolled so he was on his back and looked out the window at the moon. "...It's ok."

Matsumoto let a grin spread across her face and leaned over to hug her taicho.

She felt him tense up underneath her, pushed up slightly, and blushed realizing the position they were in.

Without giving himself the time to think it over and stop himself, Hitsugaya leaned up and kissed her. He wasn't entirely sure why he had done it, but it seemed like the right thing to do. He felt her tense up for just a moment before kissing back. It was shy, nervous and controlled at first but gradually became more natural and easier as they both began to come to terms with what was going on between them.

Before it could become too heated, Hitsugaya pulled away. "We should get to sleep..." he mumbled, trying to convince himself as much as Matsumoto. He didn't particularly want to sleep after what had just happened but knew that everything was happening to fast, he didn't want to risk ruining everything if they carried on.

And besides, they had school in the morning. But tomorrow was Friday, so it might be different tomorrow...


End file.
